Dirty Vices

Everyone has a thorn in their side so to speak. That one thing that continually pains and tolls your person and no matter what you do you just can’t quite shake it. It’s always there....always a burden. Mine is confrontation. Confrontation combined with the reality that some people may think less of me because of it. I hate confrontation and I’m a weaker person because of it. I’ve learned to avoid it at all costs and the bad thing about these thorns is that they become habits. We get OK with them. We get familiar with them. The truth is they keep us from being the people we should be. I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve avoided a problem, procrastinated in general, or flat out lied because I didn’t have the balls to meet confrontation face to face and punch back. I’ve become more aware of this problem in recent years and of the real poison it can become. At first I thought it was an honesty issue but I’ve come to find out it’s a bit more complex of a creature. I actually long to be honest and I think that’s the biggest problem I have with my problem. It’s the fact that it makes my words weaker and in turn worth less. My words are less valuable because when push comes to shove and confrontation enters the picture I may jump ship to please someone else when I absolutely shouldn’t. Whoever is in that particular situation with me deserves my honesty and in the long run will respect me more because of it. It’s a process for me to make amends to this issue. The first step is recognition. The second is applied change which is harder. It takes guts. There’s pain...suffering. It’s the beginning of rehab where you feel like you’re gonna die if you don’t get some smack, or bourbon, or a cigarette...whatever the poison is. It’s a vice. We don’t have to live with it and we shouldn’t. What’s your thorn? What can you do to start changing it?
-Wes