The Lost matter to God and they are Lost

     A couple of weeks ago I was deeply convicted and moved by something in my life. I've lived for over 20 years with little to no thought about the vast amount of lost people in my life. You say, "Wes I know that's not true because I've heard you speak about lost people often". Speaking and doing are two different things, and if I sincerely cared then I wouldn't have to count on 1 hand the amount of people I've directly shared the gospel of Jesus with. I guess the ultimate issue here is taking action. I can think about lost people all day long and be moved to mild sadness. I can be moderately excited when people accept Christ at church and their lives are changed forever. But something is missing.
     I've been praying that God would wreck my heart for the people that are far from him and tonight he did. Here are 7 status updates from a single page in my Facebook news feed over the past hour:

"Homeless, alone, and single.... what a wonderful feeling!"

"i really just need someone to talk to right now"

"cheers. on my way to the bottom"

"I just need to save up and get away for awhile. Explore the "world" and see what else it has to offer."

"The only thing this town has to offer is fake ass "friends" and drug addict alcoholic sluts. I spend every night at home alone because I have no use for anyone here. I need to get away."

"wish i was dead."

"Am I as oblivious as I feel?"

     If that doesn't move you from your office chair, or your air conditioned SUV, then you need a reality check because following Jesus isn't comfortable and neither is dealing with people's pain and hardship. We encounter people that are broken everyday. They need Jesus, and they need someone to show them...his love, his mercy, his boldness, and his truth. I know my tendency is to say, "but...I have a lot going on too...God's walking me through enough personal hardship as is...". That's a lie of the enemy. Take your eyes off yourself for a moment and I promise your soul will be rejuvenated. I did tonight and God used it to remind of what this whole thing is about.

Poem Juice

I’ve written poetry for some time now (all of about 1 year...). It’s less of an outlet that I care to share and more often a tool I use to get creative juices flowing. I’ve found poems to be an excellent parallel when writing lyrics; a much faster alternative to writing 2 songs at one time, only to keep the 2nd because the first was complete crap. It just puts you in the right state of mind. Here’s a few recent works:

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ALL THE WHILE

my skin is sliding
my eyes drying
and home calling
next to darling
all the while
through a smile
tears run miles
life is wild
all the while...all the while
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JAW-BREAK, BLOOD’S-SAKE

You rhyme like a broken wing
But I’m tired like a dried out dream
And we’ve been here too long
Grown to strong
Now our back side is weak
And one day we’ll pay for it...take account for it

We wonder why our minds our so feeble
It’s because that’s what we wonder
That’s our dream, our sick daydream
That’s not my dream and it shouldn’t be yours

There’s blood in there, I believe it
He just hasn’t hardly bled
Doesn’t know it’s bright red
Open him up...it’s there all right
Poor and rotting
Slowly stopping
Open me up
Mines starting to flow
You can have it
Take till it’s slow
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YOU ARE PLASTIC

King of the peasants
He sits on a throne
From the throne of plastic
He throws us a bone

Clap your hands
Keep us in the dark
Hide your face
And leave your mark

Drag us about
Up and around
Fly up above
While we soil the ground

The weekly grind it calls and it hounds
But those bagged-eyes they grow at the sound
Of our slowed progress
Down and down
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TO ALL CHRISTIANS two

     What do your daily prayers look like? What do your plans for the next 2 weeks, months, years look like? Is there a disconnect? I believe logic and organization ruin walks with God every day. “God wouldn’t need me there...that’s completely out of routine for me” “he can’t be asking me to do that...my heart isn’t called there”. Believe me when I say that this school of thought has ruled my life for some time. Not completely, but I often wonder what I’ve missed as a result of my quick rationalizations. Then I read the Word and my heart sinks because there is no routine. There are saints who served God on a daily basis with a heart of gratitude and service. Exclaiming, “Lord I have a plan of my own but I choose to elevate you above myself, and in an effort to bring you glory I choose your way”. And it never made any sense! They looked crazy! From Noah to Paul...Moses to John the Baptist, they were not considered to be “normal” men that had it all together. Yet I feel that their mission was simple. Their daily drive was singular. “Let me please God, and not myself”. What if our routine quiet times were replaced with a repeated question, “God what do you desire for me right now?” Simple in theory. Simple in logic. Easy to implement. Humble in heart. How would our long term goals change?
     My prayer for Christians across the earth is for God’s will to manifest itself in their lives, but I believe it starts with our approach. If we don’t ask, and aren’t willing to listen, then how will he ever use us? We know all too well that it is exhausting to live hypocritically. The exciting part is that it’s good to live in the will of the Father. According to his word our lives begin when our selfishness ends.

“Lord, your ways are good

Much better than mine
I ask that your will be fulfilled in my life today
I am available as your servant
Reveal your ways to me
And give me the strength, courage, and discernment to follow
Amen”

I'm not that superstitious, I promise

  I love spooky things. I'm not talking so much about the horror and demon possession type of spooky that all too often rules the silver screen. I’m speaking more of the unknown; the unexplainable. The mysteries we experience everyday but aren’t allowed any answers to. Do you ever think about a lost friend or acquaintance and then randomly run into them the very same day in the Walmart check out aisle? It's almost as if fate paved the way! And why do I consistently stub my toe or bump into tables after I say something rude or unkind? 11:11? Dreams? Deja vu...? We won’t even go down that road.
    It would be untrue if I said that I don’t fear being axe-murdered while fumbling for my keys in the dark just like anyone else. I even enjoy the occasional summer blockbuster horror that Hollywood so eloquently and consistently pumps out, but it goes beyond that. What I'm suggesting is that the only consistent characteristic of anything labeled "scary" is the unknown. If the proverbial axe-murderer does catch me, what will he do? How will he hurt me? Why would he hurt me? These questions hover in a terrifying sort of way and aren’t necessarily dependent upon flesh and blood.
    Take this picture for example. Something about it creeps me out. Maybe it's the fact that it sucks and has still found it's way onto the internet, and onto a popular website at that! Either way, there's a beauty about it, too. It’s very haunting, and it certainly caught my eye. It almost looks unfinished, but maybe not. Maybe that was intentional? I don’t know. I don’t have the answers, and I don’t really care to find them. I probably wouldn’t like the picture anymore if it lost some of its inherent mystery.
    There is a spooky story that has been growing inside my brain for a few years now. I’ll write it one day, but it needs more time in the creative-oven. It’s the story of a man (who I’ve decided to name George for this short presentation) who lives his entire life trying to re-live moments he's already experienced. Any emotional experience is a possible victim of a re-experience. It sounds semi-normal until George becomes obsessed, and begins reliving negative experiences as well. He also begins to go to great lengths to make re-experiences feel as original and authentic as the first time. Imagine breaking into a home just to sit in the same chair you did at a family gathering, but this time, alone; just you and the cold room--re-booting a memory like a movie in your head. That idea alone makes my skin crawl.
    George is tormented by the idea that he may encounter an experience that he can’t relive; one that he can’t control. I can relate to his story. I think we all can. Who doesn’t feel discomfort when traveling in uncharted waters? We fear what we cannot control and situations we haven’t experienced. It’s the unknown.

P.S. My friend Nick M. wrote a blog about a similar topic. Read here:
http://songofsalmon.wordpress.com/2010/01/15/song-of-salmon/#more-11

The Search

        Love is annoying. When it's right it feels amazing. When it's wrong it hurts like hell. But sometimes it feels right when it's wrong and it hurts when it's right. And what about the prostitute who's deluded love down to sex? Not sex with a lover, but sex with anyone? I love music more than life. However, I have to sadly admit, that while writing this entry, I'm listening to music with headphones on for the first time in months. And why do we hurt the people we love most more than anyone else? I realize these aren't easy questions, and that I'm also not the first person to ask. My goal is not to prove how confusing love can be.
        Maybe love would be easier if we took a step back and asked why we need it. We obviously do. People frequently bend over backwards just to scratch the surface. But why? Why do we want it? Why do we seek approval furiously, and at such a costly rate? There is an answer, but like most things in life you've got to find the truth. We're human, we learn from experience. We've got to get our hands dirty and loose something. Don't ask if you're unwilling to familiarize yourself with words like pain and sacrifice. They're part of the search.

TO ALL CHRISTIANS

  Let’s imagine a world where you are the only christian alive. Everyone else is considered “lost” so to speak. In this hypothetical situation God is with you, just as he is now, as well as the scripture. People are not morally worse nor are they better. In fact everything is just the same except there are no christians but yourself. Now, immediately you are focused on an immense burden and sense of isolation, but lets ignore that for a moment. I would like to shed light on something else. In fact to make things slightly easier let’s assume that there are no more lost people in this hypothetical world than actually exist in the real world today.
    Now, that being said, you are still a normal person. You have friends, a job, a family...all of the above. You have a life, and like any other human you share it with other human beings. You eat with them, speak with them, laugh with them, work side by side with them, cry with them, help them....exist with them. And as you live your life you can’t help but share some of the inherent truth God has breathed into your life. And people see it. They’re changed because of it. They meet with Jesus for the first time because of it.
    Far fetched as it seems, I sometimes wish this was a reality. It is a glimpse into the life that we as christians are called to. I think God is sickened by some of our shallow attempts to speak truth into unbelievers lives. Truth without love is a razor sharp blade and it cuts deep. And love is deeper than a “God Bless” as you hand the bum a couple dollars to eat, but don’t eat with him. It’s time for christians to be free from other christians to love the lost. We require the same grace that they do every second of every day. Any good in me is only through Him. The one who gives life to all living things. We alone aren’t different so stop acting like it.

CON-DISH-ONS

    The human conscience is so fragile. I guess it is suiting considering the very world on which we place our feet is a delicate and unique phenomenon. Shift a couple elements, and the whole thing falls to shit. The sad thing is, I feel like my entire moral code is just as fragile. Ever see a really great film, and get so caught up in it that you catch yourself changing the way you act for the next couple days? It happens to me all the time. Staring at a screen for 90 minutes gets me more excited about life than being with loved ones, or pursuing a long term dream. Then frustration sinks in. I realize how near sighted I am. How easily I sacrifice what I believe in for shallow thrills.
    We are pulled in so many different directions by so many different things. Too many times we give into the bad ones, but I think it’s okay. It’s bound to happen. There are so many. The optimist in me won’t let that be my definition. The optimist in you won’t either. You and I both know that our constant case of screw up comes from the inherent desire to be good. To get better. We replace good with bad because its easier, but that doesn’t negate why we did it in the first place. We want to experience something better.
    Our lives are reflections of all life. It aches but there’s purpose in it. No doubt, right or wrong will follow us till the day we die, but don’t let that consume you. It is merely our condition. It isn’t the end all, and it certainly isn’t our cure.